Motherhood !

 

Becoming a mother has been considered as the most crucial role for women.  The birth of the first child despite being a happy event, puts the mother into crisis and lots of stress and faces her with new roles and responsibilities. The first year after childbirth is not only a vital period regarding the physical, emotional, and psychological development, but also a significant time for challenging first -time mother's capacities in adjusting to their maternal roles.

During the first days and weeks postpartum mother experiences contradictory emotional states which indicate her incapability of perceiving her current situation and circumstances, and her new maternal role. She feels like she is not prepared enough to face the new situation as a mother and feels confused and bewildered, constantly thinking that her current status is inconsistent with her former expectations and the world she used to imagine about the child’s appearance and her life with a child. Fitting into her new role confronts the mother with new expectations which can, in turn, contribute to this feeling of unpreparedness. Not only does she set herself up with new expectations as a mother, but suddenly comes up against others expectations of herself for which she is not ready.

Feeling of inadequacy in controlling affairs especially during the first days and weeks after birth is outstanding among mother's experiences. The mother who used to live her normal life before childbirth, suddenly feels a loss of control over her life affairs and therefore develops a deep sense of inconvenience and trouble accompanied by a feeling of incapacity which derives from lack of self-assurance. Fear and anxiety about her child’s health and her future, etc. On the one hand, concerns about the inefficiency of her feelings and attitude towards the child add to this lack of mastery over life affairs. New moms experience a sense of neediness more than any other time. This feeling of neediness especially a desire to receive social, emotional, and practical supports is another indication of decreased control over the new circumstances.

Many a times, early after birth, as my baby cried I also used to cry with her. I just wanted to make her sleep. I thought I was unable to do anything and was always concerned that I wouldn’t be able to raise her. I found my baby bothersome and felt burdened by her. Yet there I was awake all night and days for her.

It is not just the mother who loves the baby; the baby also develops affection for the mother. When you see that the baby is most comfortable when she finds you close to her and waits to receive your cuddles and hugs you feel, in turn, more attached to her.

Motherly feelings remain always the same and just change in form and appearance. Once you are concerned about the baby’s crying and breastfeeding her. Later As she grows older you think about her teething, then walking, and then school, university, job, marriage and the list goes on. When she is a child you kiss her and hug her; as she grows up, the ways of conveying maternal affections vary while the core feelings remain constant.

As the mother comes up with the new situation and directs all her attention toward the baby, marital relationships with her husband deteriorate and their verbal and nonverbal interactions as well as affectionate behaviours get restricted. She is concious and concerned about this instability of marital relations and strives to mend it despite all the existing pressures. Additionally, doing baby chores doesn’t leave her any time to have social interactions or leisure activities and this intensifies mother’s internal conflicts.